Happy Wednesday. Welcome to The Chaos Coordinator: Fourth of July Edition. We are Brain Candy's snarky little sister, delivering carefully curated news happening across the industry (that you should probably care about) right to your inbox, with a hefty dose of irreverence.
In this issue, we dive into:
Fire Safety
Hot Drizzles
USA Trivia
What's happening in.....
Fire Safety
Let's Use the Holiday to Avoid Burnout, Yes?
Ah, the Fourth of July – that special time of year when we celebrate our independence by setting things on fire. If you’re planning on joining the grand tradition of playing with flames, here are a few tongue-in-cheek reminders to keep you from burning down the neighborhood:
Grilling: Embrace your inner grill master without becoming a fire marshal's nightmare. Keep the grill away from your house, deck railings, and overhanging branches. Also, maybe refrain from using gasoline as a starter fluid – unless you want to add ‘fireball’ to your menu.
Fireworks: Nothing says ‘freedom’ like explosive devices. Light them up in a clear area, away from houses and dry brush. And yes, that means not aiming them at a particularly aggravating neighbor's roof, no matter how tempting it is.
Sparklers: Those innocent-looking sticks of fiery fun burn at about 2,000 degrees. That's a lot of degrees - remember that when handing these death rods to children. There are other Instagrammable moments to capture, trust.
Bonfires: Remember, that towering inferno in your backyard or on the beach should stay manageable. Keep a garden hose or bucket of water handy. And I can't believe I'm even typing this, but DO. NOT. LEAP. OVER. THE. OPEN. FLAME. Sorry to break the news, but you're likely not as athletic as you think.
S'mores: Toasting marshmallows is a delightful tradition, but perhaps resist the urge to turn your skewer into a flaming torch. Charred marshmallow might sound gourmet, but it's best enjoyed without a side of singed eyebrows.
Celebrate responsibly, unless you enjoy explaining to the fire department why your backyard looks like a scorched battlefield. Let's leave those in the past, shall we?
Culture
10 Alternative Names for Hot Dogs, Ranked in Order from Least to Most Heinous
The Hot Dog: a Fourth of July staple and a quintessential American delight. Americans devour 150 million hot dogs on July 4th. That's enough to stretch from D.C. to L.A. five times over. Who knew patriotic fervor tasted so... processed? Despite all this mainstay has done for the nation, in true American fashion, we just can't leave it alone. Why call a spade a spade when you can call it a "meat cylinder"? Brace yourself for a parade of linguistic atrocities that range from mildly cringe-worthy to I can't ever make eye contact with grandma again, because yes, we are ranking them.
Frank
Hot Dizzle
Hot Link
Glizzy
Dog
Dawg
Tube Steak
Polish Boy
Weiner
Weenie
History
Did You Know...
Believe it or not, Taylor Swift was not the first American to make it through a public break up with a Brit after many, long grueling years. The Founding Fathers can relate. While George, Tom, John and the crew don't have a 31-song double album to document their moving on and finding ✨independence✨, they did leave behind some documents to help us put the pieces together later on. Here are some fun facts you may have forgotten:
Second Guessing Independence: John Adams, the eternal optimist, thought July 2nd would be our day of freedom, considering that was the day the Continental Congress voted for independence in 1776. I think we can all agree July 4th just has a little more pizzazz (and was when the Declaration of Independence was actually approved).
Explosive Beginnings: Leave it to John Adams to insist on fireworks. In a letter to his wife informing her that the Continental Congress declared independence, he wrote "[This day] ought to be solemnized with Pomp and Parade, with Shews, Games, Sports, Guns, Bells, Bonfires and Illuminations from one End of this Continent to the other from this Time forward forever more." Because nothing says "freedom" like colorful explosions that scare pets and startle neighbors. Think of the dogs, John.
Bizarre 50th Anniversary: John Adams and Thomas Jefferson both kicked the bucket on July 4, 1826, exactly 50 years after signing the Declaration. Talk about a dramatic exit.
Benjamin Franklin's Turkey Proposal: Franklin, the original hipster, suggested the turkey as our national bird instead of the bald eagle. Imagine the horror.
Chaos Connections
Do you think you're up to date on what's happening in pop culture? Put your knowledge to the test and give Chaos Connections a whirl.
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